Our youngest adult child is a college senior. We went down to visit with her recently and take her to the doctor because he had been sick for quite awhile. When we first went into her apartment, I did something I typically let her birth mom do first, but I did instead. I reached for her and gave her a huge hug. This time, instead of pulling away, she stayed in that embrace and let me comfort her. We all understood the rarity of this and silently let her stay.
Glad to See Us
Our youngest is a strong, bold, independent woman! She has traveled across the globe, was the first to drive as a teenager, and is a defender of those that are overlooked or misunderstood. She has a heart of gold and a soul older than her chronological years.
She is bright, funny, and can make you laugh at a moment’s notice. She is also like her birth mom and an empath who is very sensitive to the moods and emotions of others.
She had been on the go with school, her part-time job, and her sorority. She had a full plate and then got sick, but carried out her duties every day. Being sick, she wasn’t getting enough sleep and was not eating well, either. She was ready for us to be there to take care of her.
Size Doesn’t Matters
My wife, our children’s birth mother, is only 4’11.5”. I am nearly 5’10” and a foot taller than her. We make quite the pair and sometimes joke about the difference in height. They are all taller than her and outgrew her sometime ago.
Our youngest is closer to my height than the rest. Our son is taller than all of us and their older sister is the shortest. So, when my wife hugs our children, it is the sweetest, most loving hug they experience. They know that Mommy is there and that everything will be alright. She is in charge and will make everything better. Even though she is smaller than all of them, they know that they are safe when she wraps them in her arms. Her hugs are powerful.
We All Noticed
I intentionally stay out of her way when we arrive so she can give them her hugs first, but this time, I was able to reach for our youngest and she didn’t let go. We all noticed that she let me hold her longer than typical and no one said a word.
Early the next morning, we took her to the doctor who prescribed a wide variety of medication for her and got her food and fluids so she could rest. Thankfully, all of the medication and having us with her helped and she started to feel better.
Mentally, she didn’t have to be in charge of anything and could just let her body relax. Mental rest is just as important as physical rest, especially when you are sick. Parents, guardians, and care givers know this better than most.
Feeling Small
During a quiet moment after the weekend, my wife asked, “Did you notice how she just let you hold her?” I said, “yes.” She then stated that this wasn’t typical. I acknowledged that it wasn’t and simply said, “sometimes you just need to feel small.”
My wife then apologized that she wasn’t able to give that to me. I told her it didn’t have to do with physical size for me because she hugs me back. And in those hugs, I understand that I’m not alone and have a life partner and best friend to share my triumphs and burdens.
But, for our daughter, in that moment, she needed to feel small – to know that she was going to be taken care of, that she wasn’t alone, and that we were there for her – emotionally and physically. Our children will always be our babies and will need to feel comforted by us – no matter their age.
It was my time to wrap my strong arms around her and wrap her in love, care, and protection. So she knew and felt that she would always have a safe place in this world. And, that her safe place would be in our arms.
We All Need to Feel This Way
Our daughter is not the only one who needs to feel this way. We all need to feel small at times. This could be in several forms – comfort from a friend or coworker who has gone through loss, a text saying that you are cared for and someone notices, a hug from family and friends, a listening ear when we are at the end of our rope – the list goes on and on.
We are social creatures and even the most introverted of us need to feel in relationship with someone or someones, especially when we are sick, depressed, down, or in need. And that, is okay.
We may have trouble finding that safe spot or it may not be easily available, so we need to be that for those around us. That’s how we give back. That’s how we love. And, that’s how we give hope to the world.
Will You Be That Safe Place?
Are you willing to be that safe place?
Are you willing to hug, hold, and comfort those in need around you?
Are you willing to help someone feel small?
